New Church

Dear Arah and Etan,

How was your first Sunday in your dad's new church appointment? Were you received well by the members? I know they are now observing you and making their expectations for a PK like you.

Do not be surprised if members start asking you about your hidden talents and skills. They will always expect you to be good in singing and playing instruments. They are now planning to recruit you to join the choir or be part of the praise and worship team. There is nothing wrong with that, but to expect you to do that then be disappointed if you are not musically gifted is another thing. People will always assume that as PKs you are born with musical talents and you will save their inability to encourage other members to join the choir and praise team. I remember Josie, a fellow PK, who intentionally did not learn to play the guitar and hated singing in public even if our music teacher told her she has the talent. I guess she was being rebellious. She did tell me she wanted to be in the choir and be part of the music team but wanted to do it on her own will, on her own terms, out of love to serve God and not from the pressure and expectations of the people around her.

I hope you started making friends already with other youths in the church. I know they too will have expectations from you. They will be bashful to invite you to join in their "gimmicks" to the mall and in watching the latest "Superman" movie because they don't expect PKs to do such stuffs. Don't worry, invite them instead and they will be surprised you are just an ordinary teenager like them.
I know some people will not approach you and offer a welcome hand. They will simply assume that you are a transient kid that will come in their church for a year or two then go while they are there for years. Yes, many will treat you as an outsider and a stranger. But don't think this is the Christian welcome and warmth of fellowship. This is the exception rather than the rule. Just feel at home. They may just be threatened with the new things your Dad will introduce in church to improve their practice of "open hearts, open minds, open doors."

Don't lose faith. The people in your church call themselves Christians. How bad can that be?

Write me soon and share your experiences during your first several weeks there. Remember, in all your struggles... you are not alone.

Last Sunday of the Church Calendar

Dear Arah and Etan,

I know this is the last Sunday of the Church Calendar. Next Sunday you will be in a new church appointment. I understand the excitement and the anxiety you are experiencing right now.

One of the issue we PKs face is moving to a new place... and new school. I know you two are in school. As you move to a new place, you will have to say goodbye from your friends in school. It is hard to leave friends especially if you have already established a good relationship with them. I know because I had a hard time too. I grew up not having any "barkada" nor long-time "childhood friends" because we also moved every year. It is difficult especially if you are growing up and trying to find peers as you establish your identity. It is difficult to not have friends established by long years of friendship. But be strong.

It is more difficult to not have "old" friends in school. I know you are anxious to be the new student when school opens. You will feel like an outsider in any peer group. You will have to adjust fast to be able to blend in.

Aside from the problem of belonging to a group, you may never feel "at home" in your school. It is indeed difficult to call a school your alma mater when you only stayed there for a year while some of your classmates studied there the whole time. You may never have the feeling that you "belong" in the school. But don't worry. As you move to a new school this coming school year, take pride in having many schools to call your school... take pride in meeting more kids than any other kid can.

One of our friends, Macky, will have to live for a year away from his pastor dad. His dad was appointed away from their hometown and so Macky will have an absentee dad for a year (or more) and his mom will have to raise him alone. But I will tell you next time about having to grow up a PK away from your parent next time.

I know that you are anxious this coming week and feel that no one understands you... You might feel like blaming the church for not considering your plight... We understand you. Remember we are here... You are not alone.

New Year and New life?

Hi Arah and Etan,

We started this year with meeting new and other PKs from other churches.

We met in one of the fancy restaurants in the outskirts of the city. It was such a blessing to hear stories from fellow PKs. I could only pray that you were there to hear them too. It was really heart warming to know that there are people who share the same experience and the same sentiments as you do.

This new year, we talked about New Life. One of the reflections given by a PK was how our life as PKs are different from the other Christians. It begins with meeting Christ. Most Christians have stories that are made-for-TV stories. They were black sheeps in the family and they lived a sinful life. Some were addicts and hooked to drugs, alcohol, smoking and other vices. Their lives were changed when they knew Christ.

But most PK's don't have the same story. We could only envy those people who experienced a big turnaround in their life. We could only wonder how it felt? It might really felt good.

PKs are different. From the moment we were born, we are surrounded by loving Christian parents. Our earliest memories include singing Sunday school songs and short Christian choruses. The people we know are Christians. The activities that we attend to are Jesus-oriented. We do not know what a beer taste like and what a disco house feels like. We were taught early on that smoking was bad for it destroys our body - God's holy temple. We had curfews and they were strict.

We felt like deprived kids growing up. We were deprived of the good things of this world - the material things that people die for.

But then we realize that it was all good. That we should be thankful to our parents for raising us up as good little Christian kids. That we were not subjected to the evils of this world. As Susana Wesley said, what is the use of allowing kids to start bad habits only to break them when they are older.

It is only right to start a Christian life as young as we can. For it is the life that we want to live not only when we are adults, not only when we are young but all through out our life.  Our testimonies need not be dramatic like a "lost and found" story. Our testimony is that God is at work early on in our lives, for God knows us even when we were in our mothers womb.

The New Life need not be from a life of "hell" to a life of "heaven." New life is being born again in the Holy Spirit and this could be even when we are little kids growing up in church. For even little children can belong to God. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old life is gone, a new life has begun."

And for us PK's, New Life begins early.

The Fellowship

Hello Arah and Etan.

Several days ago, I was invited to a Fellowship. This was the gathering of fellow Pastor's Kids. It was a simple get together over dinner. But I was so blessed to hear stories from fellow Pastor's Kids. These kids belong to other church traditions and denominations but we share the same stories.

The common theme in our stories is the struggle of the kids and the hurt they had to endure while growing up. I asked myself if the churchpeople ever thought of the welfare of the PKs. I wondered if they ever thought of ministering to the PKs. Or maybe they never saw the need. Maybe so. Because they are Pastor's Kids, the Pastors will take care of them. Or worst, the churchpeople think that they are like their parent's - they can handle the pressure (by default.) A memorable anecdote that one shared is that "PKs are like fishes in a fishbowl." That was so true. Chruchpeople see all our actions including our wrong acts. And I added, "they look at us in a fishbowl with a magnifying glass."

It was a blessing knowing that we are not alone in our journey as PKs. I pray that there are many more fellowships like these in other places to help other PKs. Someday, I hope you, Arah and Etan, will be able to join in such Fellowships. I will be content in the knowledge that you will not walk alone in your journey, for there are fellowships that will help you along the way.

A Letter to Pastor's Kids

This blog is for all the pastor’s kid, or fondly called the PKs. This is especially dedicated to my friends Ara and Etan whom I met 6 years and 3 years ago respectively. I was starting in the ministry of servant-leadership then when they came up to me and asked me about being a pastor. Instead, we ended up talking about being pastor’s kid.

I am also a pastor’s kid.  I know what it feels like to be one. That is my only credential for writing this. I will share with all the pastor’s kid, especially to Ara and Etan, the lessons I learned, the realizations I made and all the other exceptional stories in the life of a pastor’s kid. I will try to encourage you as much as I can because I know the name “Pastor’s Kid” have expectations that can sometimes become very difficult.

I hope, as you read this blog, I will be able to share with you the unique stories we pastor’s kid had to endure. May you be informed, challenged and inspired. I pray you start considering and thinking about PK issues - that PKs are not Pastors, and they have a different dynamics. To Ara and Etan, I pray that you will find courage in knowing that as you go through the life of a Pastor’s kid, you are not alone.