Five Signs to Recognize a PK

Dear Arah and Etan,

People have their own idea of what a PK should be. But let me share with you five signs to recognize a PK. I wrote this article for a PK blog (www.thepkpad.wordpress.com) and I am cross-posting it here.

There are many Preachers’ Kids (Pks) scattered all over. But the difficult life of being PKs pushed them to master the skill of adapting to their environment that you will not recognize PKs unless they tell you. A PK would just look like any ordinary person that, if within a group, it will be difficult to distinguish one from the rest. PKs now capitalize on their camouflage and shy away from the great expectation that goes with the label. I should know. But I will give you some tips that will help you recognize a PK when you see one. Here are 5 signs that will make you suspect a person is a PK.
1. He comes early to church but sits at the back pew. You would expect a PK to seat in the front pew, or lead worship, if he is not already in the choir.  But by the time the PK can go to church by himself, he will no longer go to his preacher-parent’s church. Yes, he will go to another church where he will not be compelled to lead the Sunday School. But he remains a good church member: coming early to church, singing hymns with the congregation, kneeling in the rails to pray, and giving wholeheartedly his tithes. But because he is not musically inclined, and not a born leader and speaker, too, he abhors being in front, and so he sits at the back pew of the church and pretends no one sees him.
2. She works in the corporate world. The great expectation for a PK is to become a deaconess, if not also a pastor. Since her childhood, she was called “the little deaconess” whenever she tags along her preacher-parent. She has the talent and skill typical of a church worker. She is a born leader. When she started teaching Sunday School as a youth, people were sure what course she will take in college. So she took up business management and now works with a multinational company.  She still goes to church regularly and is actively involved in the children’s ministry of the church.
3. He loves to party on Friday nights. Yes, he knows how to party. He has a social life unexpected for a PK. As a young adult, a PK lives a social life like any ordinary young adult. He balances work and play. But when he parties, he parties hard. You think he parties too much he does not find time to attend midweek prayer meetings or other church activities. He loves to hang out with friends, go bar hopping, and attend other social events. Like his friends, he drinks occasionally. He may even puff a cigarette or two. Whenever he is under a lot of stress in school or work, he goes to see a movie to unwind with his friends. Most of his friends are in the church young people’s group.
4. She is not an honor student. A PK is expected to perform well academically. Very well. Anything short of that expectation and she is a failure. So you will be surprised to know that the PK is not a consistent honor student. She may perfect some exams in her favorite subject but she has never cracked the top ten in her class. Most PKs belong to your average students. She may even sometimes fail in her exams but she is smart…street smart. She is also good in sports. No, not volleyball. Extreme sports like rock climbing or cross-country are her thing. Yes, she does a lot of unexpected things for a PK.
5. He is a sinner. You expect a PK to be the epitome of a perfect Christian. But he knows he is not perfect, yet he strives for Christian perfection. He acknowledges he is a sinner and have come short of the glory of God. Like any other Christian, he struggles in life and stumbles often. He has broken all the Ten Commandments, seriously. He would have broken the eleventh or twelfth commandment if there was one. When he commits a sin, it becomes magnified. He only hopes that when God forgives him, it also magnifies God’s grace for the people to see. And in his imperfect life, people will not see the PK but witness a great God at work to change him and wash away all his sins. You will know a PK because, like any other Christian, he strives to be holy as his Father in heaven is holy.

New Church

Dear Arah and Etan,

How was your first Sunday in your dad's new church appointment? Were you received well by the members? I know they are now observing you and making their expectations for a PK like you.

Do not be surprised if members start asking you about your hidden talents and skills. They will always expect you to be good in singing and playing instruments. They are now planning to recruit you to join the choir or be part of the praise and worship team. There is nothing wrong with that, but to expect you to do that then be disappointed if you are not musically gifted is another thing. People will always assume that as PKs you are born with musical talents and you will save their inability to encourage other members to join the choir and praise team. I remember Josie, a fellow PK, who intentionally did not learn to play the guitar and hated singing in public even if our music teacher told her she has the talent. I guess she was being rebellious. She did tell me she wanted to be in the choir and be part of the music team but wanted to do it on her own will, on her own terms, out of love to serve God and not from the pressure and expectations of the people around her.

I hope you started making friends already with other youths in the church. I know they too will have expectations from you. They will be bashful to invite you to join in their "gimmicks" to the mall and in watching the latest "Superman" movie because they don't expect PKs to do such stuffs. Don't worry, invite them instead and they will be surprised you are just an ordinary teenager like them.
I know some people will not approach you and offer a welcome hand. They will simply assume that you are a transient kid that will come in their church for a year or two then go while they are there for years. Yes, many will treat you as an outsider and a stranger. But don't think this is the Christian welcome and warmth of fellowship. This is the exception rather than the rule. Just feel at home. They may just be threatened with the new things your Dad will introduce in church to improve their practice of "open hearts, open minds, open doors."

Don't lose faith. The people in your church call themselves Christians. How bad can that be?

Write me soon and share your experiences during your first several weeks there. Remember, in all your struggles... you are not alone.

The Fellowship

Hello Arah and Etan.

Several days ago, I was invited to a Fellowship. This was the gathering of fellow Pastor's Kids. It was a simple get together over dinner. But I was so blessed to hear stories from fellow Pastor's Kids. These kids belong to other church traditions and denominations but we share the same stories.

The common theme in our stories is the struggle of the kids and the hurt they had to endure while growing up. I asked myself if the churchpeople ever thought of the welfare of the PKs. I wondered if they ever thought of ministering to the PKs. Or maybe they never saw the need. Maybe so. Because they are Pastor's Kids, the Pastors will take care of them. Or worst, the churchpeople think that they are like their parent's - they can handle the pressure (by default.) A memorable anecdote that one shared is that "PKs are like fishes in a fishbowl." That was so true. Chruchpeople see all our actions including our wrong acts. And I added, "they look at us in a fishbowl with a magnifying glass."

It was a blessing knowing that we are not alone in our journey as PKs. I pray that there are many more fellowships like these in other places to help other PKs. Someday, I hope you, Arah and Etan, will be able to join in such Fellowships. I will be content in the knowledge that you will not walk alone in your journey, for there are fellowships that will help you along the way.